Overwhelming Sadness

Today is the day of my most overwhelming sadness.
I feel like crying a bucket of tears for all the pains of letting go of our car. It is still on bank loan and I have a spat with my brother-in-law who is driving it for tourists. I hope he can feel the urgency for the money that he needs to give me, but there are times when he seemed uncaring. 

I have many "How I wish" to hopefully change things.

How I wish I did not start the business.
How I wish, I'm just contented with simple living.
How I wish I can turn back time and never have done the loan in the first place. 
How I wish I have not initiated the business that cause so much hurt to my friend by dragging her name into this mess and failure. 

How I wish ;'(